Stars Above Us
by DarveyAdventCalendar
Summary: Harvey and Donna take their children to visit his deceased parents' graves and share a moment of rememberance and memories with the children.


**Day 19  
**

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**_Stars Above Us_**

_by Bellesrad_

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The skies are tinged gray in this early Boston morning, yet through the thick, heavy clouds, weak but persistent specks of golden rays fight their way through. It's almost like a pull and tug between shadows and light. And there's a touch of luminous brightness seeping through a window pane here and there that slowly fades away to reawaken on another set of the crystal squares only seconds later.

Harvey stands with a cup of coffee in hand, watching this whimsical display of hide and seek between the skies, the sun and clouds. And all this time he's thinking just how life and time and death are just like these. Ever changing, ephemeral and unpredictable. Taking a sip of his coffee, he wonders what life would be like if they had been granted more time. If they were still here… if death had not taken them away and life still coursed through their veins.

Donna finds him by the large industrial black-framed windows seemingly lost in thought. He's wearing that ridiculously funny robe Lily had chosen for him when Donna had taken the kids winter clothes shopping. The red, white and green flannel fabric is just normal looking except for the hoodie that holds two very distinct brown reindeer antlers. Donna had seen the hilarity in her daughter's idea and had bought all of them matching robes. The family picture sitting on the mantle back home in Seattle, a visual proof of the fun they had when they'd worn those the very first time as they set up their Christmas tree.

Yet, the Harvey she's looking at right now is not the man from the picture. There's something about his stance that tells her that there's a lot weighing on his mind and in his heart. She can see the sadness in the way his shoulders are slumped and his eyes seem faraway and vacant, to the point he doesn't even register her approaching. She can sense him slightly jolt in surprise when she wraps her arms around him from behind.

"Hey," she whispers against his back, feeling his body lose the tension and relax into her embrace. His free hand comes to rest against one of her arms and squeezes it tenderly.

"Hey, you..." he says and turns around to offer her a smile, "I made some coffee… want me to get you a cup?"

She nods and watches as he walks towards the kitchen. His father's former loft offers an open floor plan with a clear view of the kitchen, dining and living room. The four large dome-shaped windows attract plenty of light and the high terracotta ceilings give it an air of vastness. The master bedroom and two smaller bedrooms rest on the second floor, as well as a smaller den area, which they use as a playroom for the children when they visit.

Harvey had refused to sell it, pretty much the same way he had refused to sell Mike's apartment at first, when his friend had left New York. And Donna knows that this is Harvey's way of keeping those that are gone close to him. On the other hand, it was also a practical move and made it easier every time they visited his brother in Boston, which was now quite often.

"Here you go," Harvey says and hands her a festive mug, inviting her to sit on the comfortable sectional sofa. She does, and his arm immediately wraps around her slender form to bring her against him.

They lean cozily against each other and enjoy the coffee and the silence for a little while. She's allowing him to process whatever he's feeling before asking him about it. Although, Donna being Donna and knowing him well through their years together, already has a good idea of what might've been on his mind.

Placing her cup and his on the rectangular wooden coffee table, she then nestles onto his side once again.

"They'll be okay, you know?" Donna says, breaking the silence. Her voice is low, her hazel eyes soft and tender as they look into his worried brown ones.

"Lily and Gordon… they're ready, Harvey," she continues and squeezes his thigh gently, "I think we've done a good job preparing them for this moment."

Harvey nods absently and she guides his chin with her hand so his gaze can meet hers.

"Hey, trust me, Harvey… they are."

"I know Lily is… but what about Gordon? He's so young… will he even understand?" Harvey's voice is low and wavers, full of emotion.

Donna's cups both his cheeks with her hands and looks into his hesitant eyes.

"We will never know for sure, but one thing we do, is that we'll be there for them both," she softly begins and he listens intently, "and we will answer Lily's questions and Gordon will feel our love. He will understand that these were two special people in our lives who might be physically gone, but that will forever be present in our hearts…"

Harvey listens to his wife's soft, soothing tone and allows her to persuade him. She always has and always will because she knows what's best for him, for them.

He feels her soft lips land on his and allows her to soothe his fears away as she envelops him in her arms.

Looking into his eyes once again, Donna offers him a smile as she says, "We're in this together, Harvey. Don't you forget it… Promise me that."

"I promise I won't, Donna..." he says and is once again reminded why he loves this remarkable woman so much.

"Good," she responds and huddles back into his side, her face burrowing in his neck as her arms wrap around him again. She's basically sitting on his lap so he just brings her closer, enjoying the warmth her body radiates.

"I love you, Donna," he whispers into her ear, his senses indulging in her familiar, exquisite scent.

"I love you, too, Harvey," she sighs and closes her eyes as they revel in this quiet moment of love and understanding.

* * *

He stops at the red light and takes a quick glance through the rearview mirror. Gordon's cherubic cheeks are moving in tandem as he quietly sucks on his pacifier, his brown eyes half-closed almost snoozing away. Lil is holding her two plush bunnies tightly against her chest as her almond-shaped hazel eyes, so similar to Donna's, are wide open, taking in everything as she looks out the car window.

He feels Donna's hand gently squeeze him, and he looks away from his children to his wife. Their eyes meet, and her sweet smile greets him. He smiles back and nods in quiet acknowledgement. He knows it will be okay. Yet, he can't help but feel nervous.

About an inch of snow had fallen the night before but the roads are mostly clear. The drive is not a long one and with it being Christmas day, there's little traffic. Soon enough, they're going past the gates of Mount Auburn Cemetery, and they park closest to the Specter's lot. The skies have cleared and there's a modest sunshine casting its light over the snow that covers the ground, giving the gardens an almost ethereal look.

Harvey goes to help Lily out of her booster seat in the back while Donna wakes Gordon from his quick nap. Donna is unfastening Gordon from the car seat and can't help but listen to her daughter's soft melodic voice as she engages in conversation with her dad.

"Are you sure I can't take them, Daddy?"

"I think Manolo and Jimmy Choo would feel safer in the car, sweetheart. It's too cold for them to be out there," Harvey adoringly says as he boops each of the plush bunnies and then his daughter's nose. But Lily doesn't smile and instead frowns, worry etched in her pretty eyes. She then looks at one plush toy then at the other, and her eyes suddenly become watery.

"Harvey, honey, would you help me with Gordon? I can't unsnap him. I think something's stuck. I'll go help Lily..." she says and Harvey nods. Soon they move around the SUV and Harvey goes to get Gordon while Donna tends to her daughter.

She looks at her little girl who's still sitting in her booster seat looking down at her plush toys and knows that there's something deeper gnawing at her highly intelligent daughter. Donna reaches for a strand of Lily's silky ginger hair and pushes it behind her ear, at the same time she pushes her daughter's chin up to look into the girl's forlorn eyes.

"What is it Lily-bear?" she whispers and rubs her daughter's rosy cheek with her thumb in a loving manner.

"I think Daddy is sad today, Mommy… When I feel sad Manolo and Jimmy Choo make me feel better. I want to take them so Daddy feels better…"

Donna feels her heart constrict at her daughter's confession.

"Sweetie, you know what will make Daddy feel the happiest?"

The young girl shakes her head no but keeps her eyes focused on her mother.

"Having us with him… Because everything is better when we're together, Lily-bear," Donna lovingly says and kisses her daughter's forehead.

"What do you say? Let's keep Manolo and Jimmy Choo safe from the cold and you, Gordon and I go keep your Daddy company…"

Lily takes a minute or two to think about what her mother just said, then smiles.

"Sure, Mommy… Manolo and Jimmy, sorry but you have to stay. Be good boys, okay?" she tells her plush bunnies, then reaches out for Donna to help her out of the booster seat.

Once on the ground, Donna leans down to help readjust Lily's coat, gloves and hat to make sure she's warm. As she's kneeling down, Lily throws her arms around her mother and kisses her cheek.

"I love you, Mommy… you always make everything better," the young Specter says.

Donna touches her daughter's nose and smiles at her, "And you light up my life, Lily-bear. Thank you for caring so much for your Daddy. Now, let's go. The boys are waiting for us!"

Reaching out for her daughter's hand, they walk towards Harvey who is holding Gordon in his arms and showing the young boy something in the distance. He then notices as his two girls walk towards them. Lily offers him a smile and his free hand stretches out to clasps his daughter's. The four then walk together down the meandering path, amongst towering evergreens and snow covered lawns, towards their destination.

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Whatever had been bothering Lily is long gone, and he's happy to hear her sweet voice as she asks about where birds go when the weather gets too cold. They're walking past a few reflection pools that are frozen and they take a moment to look at the surroundings.

"Well, they migrate to warmer places, sweetheart," Harvey tells her, and Lily frowns.

"My-grate?"

"That means that birds fly south to where it's warm and sunny… away from the cold and the snow, baby," he explains, and Gordon drops his pacifier to make a bird sound as he flaps his arms like a bird would mid-flight.

"That's right, Gordon, fly like a bird," Donna says, and they laugh at his continued motion and sounds.

They make a right turn at the end of the pathway, and the Paulsen-Specters reach their journey's end. The gray upright grave markers spelling out the family name stand before them, and Harvey feels his heart falter for a second. His eyes meet Donna's and she reaches out for Gordon. Swinging him onto her hip, she allows Harvey a moment to process and decide how to talk to their children.

Lily seems to understand and she looks from Harvey to Donna and waits silently. Her tiny hand is still clasped in her daddy's and she squeezes it in reassurance. Harvey looks down at his young five-year old daughter and her hopeful, innocent eyes seem to give him the strength he needs. Crouching down, he holds both of her hands in his, then looks at Gordon and back at Lily as he says, "Lily Elizabeth and Gordon James, let us introduce you to your grandparents: Gordon and Lily Specter…" and he then points at the two marked graves before them while Lily looks over, curiosity pouring from her inquisitive eyes. She then turns and gives her mother a questioning look.

"We named you both after them, sweetie," Donna says, and Gordon wiggles down from her arms. The baby boy takes a few tentative steps towards his Dad while Donna holds his hand. Gordon seems to sense the gravity of the moment and leans his head against Harvey's chest as he throws his little arms around his father's neck. Harvey welcomes the warm embrace from the youngest Paulsen-Specter and buries his face in the knit hat that's currently covering the boy's soft blonde hair.

Lily has taken a few steps towards the markers and is gently touching each of them with a gloved hand. There's a certain love and devotion in the contact, and she turns to look at both Donna and Harvey who are quietly observing her. Her expression changes from one of affection to one of concern.

"But, it's so cold out here… do you think they flew away with the birds, Daddy?"

Harvey's gaze meets Donna's and for a minute there, he doesn't know what to say as he continues to hug their son.

"No, sweetheart," Harvey says after a few seconds and reaches out his hand to his daughter, "it doesn't work that way… Grandpa Gordon and Grandma Lily are here resting, but their spirits are all around us."

Lily turns to look at the graves and with a confused frown on her face she then looks at her mother.

"Can they come out and greet us? Are they too tired?"

Donna walks towards Lily and crouches down just like Harvey, bringing them both eye-level with their children. Her daughter reaches out and hugs her, somehow understanding that what they're about to discuss is serious.

"They can't come out to play, Lily-bear. Grandpa and Grandma are in heaven, do you know what that means?"

Lily untangles from her mother's arms and looks at both her parents, nodding as she quietly replies, "Yes, Mommy… it means that they're like the sun and the moon and the stars above us. We can see them and feel them but we can't reach and touch them. Ms. Stevenson taught us about them at school..."

"That's right, sweetie. But we can still feel their love here," Donna explains, then places her hand over Lily's coat-covered chest.

"Like the invisible string in the story that Daddy read for bedtime?"

"Just like that, sweetheart," Harvey replies. "We can feel their love every time we think of them, and we're connected everywhere we go no matter what."

"Even if Grandpa and Grandma never met us?"

"Even then, Lily-bear," Donna answers as she squeezes her daughter's side.

Lily looks at her father and there's a slight sadness in her eyes as she asks, "Do you miss them, Daddy?"

Harvey sighs and nods. Gordon, who is distractedly playing with the lapel of his coat, keeps a watchful eye on both of his parents. He might not understand the conversation but he can sense the change in emotions. Once again, leaning against his father's chest, he offers a quiet form of comfort which Harvey welcomes as he holds the toddler against him tightly.

"Every day of my life, sweetheart. But I have you and Gordon and Mommy who cheer me up and make me so happy and proud."

"Like Manolo and Jimmy Choo make me happy?"

"Like that and a million times more!"

There are unshed tears in Harvey's eyes, his bittersweet smile causes tiny crinkles to form around his eyes, and Donna knows that he's feeling vulnerable. And yet, there's so much love in his heart for his children, for his family.

"What do you say we have a massive Paulsen-Specter hug?" Donna asks, her eyes lighting up and spreading that positive energy she's so loved for.

"Yes!" both daughter and father shout while Gordon giggles and claps his hands.

Both standing to full height, Harvey brings Gordon up in his arms while Donna and Lily wrap their arms around Harvey in a giant group hug. Warmth and love radiates as they all squeeze together and their laughter can be heard through the quiet, snow covered fields in this overcast December afternoon.

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Harvey turns on the night light and is about to walk out the door when he hears her soft voice calling out for him.

"Daddy?"

"Yes, sweetheart?" he asks and walks back to sit by her bed. He looks into her sweet eyes and pouty lips. She's the spitting image of her mother and yet, her smirk is so much like his. He leans down to kiss her forehead once again.

"If you ever miss Grandma Lily or Grandpa Gordon, I could let Manolo or Jimmy keep you company."

He smiles sweetly at his sleepy but concerned daughter.

"I'll let you know if I need them, okay?"

"Okay," she yawns and settles on her side while hugging both plush bunnies, "Good night, Daddy."

"Good night, baby girl," he murmurs as he tenderly smooths his daughter's ginger locks and leans down to kiss her forehead one more time before walking away.

Harvey then checks on Gordon, who is fast asleep in his room, before heading back to the living room.

"Gordon was out in a flash. Did Lily manage to fall asleep? " Donna asks from her cozy spot under a warm blanket on the large sofa.

After Gordon had fallen asleep, Donna had decided to catch up with her reading. They always alternated when putting the kids to bed. So she waited while Harvey read Lily her usual bedtime story.

"I guess it was an eventful day… opening Christmas presents in the morning, going to my parents, then to see the tree lighting at The Common. Then dinner and later sipping hot cocoa really tired them out," Harvey says as he settles next to his wife. He then grabs the book she's been busy reading and scans the title.

"_The self-driven child_? Are you doing some heavy reading Mrs. Paulsen-Specter?" he jokes and places the book over the coffee table, then wraps his arm around her to bring her closer against him.

"Just stuff that I hope helps us both in the near future… and don't pretend I didn't catch you reading _The Yes Brain_ the other day, Harvey! I think we're both trying really hard to raise the next generation of Paulsen-Specter's the best way we can…"

Harvey can't help but laugh at being caught with one of the many child psychology books she's always reading.

"Yeah, I really want them to be healthy and resilient in every sense… I love them so much, Donna."

"For the record, Harvey, I think we make a great team."

"You really think so?"

"I couldn't have asked for a better life partner," she says and looks into his eyes which are now glinting with mischief.

"_What?_" she asks and squeezes his arm, a smile lighting up her face, her eyes flickering with curiosity and playfulness.

"Can't I look at my wife with love and tenderness?" he asks, but the impish smirk on his face spells otherwise as he reaches out to pull her over until she's basically straddling him.

Her hands wrap around his neck and her fingers play with the short, silky strands of his hair. Hazel and brown meet amid the silent melody of their love, while his large hands encircle her slim waist and his thumbs caress the delicate skin below her sweater eliciting that familiar thrill and warmth throughout her body.

She leans over to kiss his lips and releases a soft moan as his tongue entwines with hers in a sensual dance of sorts. There's heat in his kiss yet tenderness in his touch, and she revels in the intensity of the emotions flowing as they make a pause in their connection.

His voice is thick and his eyes full of love as he says, "My gosh, you're _perfect_…"

"I thought we'd already covered that ages ago… I'm _more_ than perfect," she remarks facetiously and cocks her head to the side, a smile on her lips as her hands slide down his chest in a sweet caress.

"That, you are..."

His whisper is rough and full of emotion as his eyes settle on pupils that are so heavily dilated, the hazel is barely visible in them.

"And yet... you're so much more than that, Donna... you're the love of my life… the mother of our beautiful children... the best dance partner anyone could ever ask for..."

Donna's eyes turn watery at his words,and she can't help but chuckle at that last remark and playfully pats his chest.

Harvey clears his throat and his gaze turns serious as he continues, "Today took a piece of my heart and you were there for me, for us... every step of the way. You never cease to amaze me. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me… You'remy_ everything_, Donna. I love you..."

Donna can feel the tears streaming down her eyes, and his thumbs soon come up to help clear them, while his lips crash onto hers in a heartfelt and tender kiss.

"I love you, too, Harvey…" she softly says as her index finger traces his now stubbly cheek and their eyes meet once again.

"Merry Christmas, Donna," he whispers quietly into her hair.

"Merry Christmas, Harvey." Her reply is equally as gentle and melodic.

The soft light coming from the fireplace crackles and sizzles as it casts its warm glow over their kissing forms. The brick walls and moonlit floors, the sole witnesses to their love and tender devotion on this peaceful and snowy Christmas night.

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End file.
